Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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