We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
