I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
