No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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