Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
