Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
