I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
