Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
