I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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