So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
