and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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