i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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