You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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