Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
