Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
