he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
