What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
