Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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