Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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