nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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