i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
