Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Randomize
