dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
