I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
