How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Text me some of your sweat
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