I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
