Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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