you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
