My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We got so high we made milksteak
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
