And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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