remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
