Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
