i would punch a child for taco bell
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
