Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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