just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
