things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
