He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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