I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
