I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
