She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I looked at my own cervix.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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