could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
