is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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