The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
