After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
