Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
