So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
