he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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