This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
