i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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