It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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