a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
