I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
