Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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