What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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