She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
