I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
