True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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