it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
