Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
