oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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