I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
