I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
