I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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