yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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