Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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